VILLAINS PWN!

 
 
 
Villains Pwn!
VILLAINS PWN!

Lilou & John list their top ten villains | Lilou mocks John | John is stoic

John: Today you suggested that we should address the much anticipated topic of favorite villains. Let us, for sake of clarity and simplicity, mention our top ten best … how should we put it … “assholes”?

Lilou: I don’t consider them assholes, I consider them interesting.

John: I don’t consider them assholes either, but you have taught me that using the same keyword twice in two neighboring sentences is not good optics, so I tried to avoid using “villain”.

Lilou: We should remove my first considering in my last sentence. Oops, now I said “my” two times. Oh no, now I said “my” again. Stop me!

John: This is starting to sound like the Knights who say “Ni”. Speaking of which, they are rather villain-like, but not my favorite. I start by calling out my first villain, Magneto.

Lilou: Oh, gotta love Magneto.

John: Yes, he knows exactly how to solve the “Human Question”, if you may, and he doesn’t shy away from seeing the world as it is. Xavier is just a boring old academic that knows nothing about how people function. I love Magneto. What about your first villain?

Lilou: The first one I come to think of is Hannibal Lecter. He is totally calm, very intelligent and cultivated, yet lethal for untalented, dull people.

John: Sometimes I suspect that we love these villains because they remind of ourselves, is that so?

Lilou: Probably. True.

John: Ok. My number two is Hans Gruber. He is totally reckless and cold-blooded. Works toward a goal and does it well, if it wasn’t for the script writer who let that lollygagging moron drool around.

Lilou: Villains rarely see eye to eye with script writers…

John: No, and since I always pick side against the powers that be, and the script writer must be considered the ultimate power when it comes to movies, I side against them, therefore I always support villains who put up a good fight against overwhelming odds.

Lilou: You’re a true revolutionary, dear.

John: I am going to ignore that comment and move straight forward to your number two.

Lilou: The next one I come to think of is Prince Nuada.

John: That was my number three.

Lilou: Too bad I beat you then. As usual. He is beautiful in every way. Unique, agile yet firm and he fights against overwhelming odds. He’s admirable.

John: His war actually reminds a bit about our culture war.

Lilou: Yes it does. A lot.

John: I always think it’s so sad that the script writer lies about him and makes it look as if he sacrificed that forest god. Prince Nuada would never do such a thing.

Lilou: No. That nature god was just as beautiful as he is. And he knew it and treasured it.

John: My third villain is Sauron. I really like Sauron. He takes no shit. He builds an orch army instead and kills the people who pissed him off.

Lilou: Just wished he’d killed Frodo. He annoys me to death.

John: Me too. Just falls over things and cannot even carry a damn ring without messing up the whole thing so Sam has to do all the dirty work, and then it is Frodo who gets all the rewards afterwards. So typical of script writers to do such a thing. Or perhaps it was Tolkien. Anyway, let us not linger there. Your number three?

Lilou: I love the Dalton brothers. They’re hilarious. Especially the tiny one. Or was it just movie villains we were talking about?

John: No, it could be any villains. And for our Transatlantic or other readers we might just add that the Dalton brothers you refer to are the villains in the comic book Lucky Luke.

Lilou: Yeah.

John: I love the Dalton brothers too. My number four, as a funny coincidence as the Dalton brothers were four, is Lord Voldemort.

Lilou: Ah, the old Voldemort.

John: Yes. His father was a filthy muggle who left when he was a kid and he grew up in an orphanage. No wonder he wanted to strike back, and then that posh little vermin Harry comes along, with some stupid wizard equivalent of a royal bloodline, and like a good old fashioned revolutionary Voldemort can’t just let him walk all over him. So he starts a war. Of course. Your number four?

Lilou: I like Morgana who seeks as much knowledge and power as she can get to become the most powerful witch there has ever been.

John: That deserves some respect.

Lilou: It does. It was my dream as well as a very young girl.

John: It seems as if villains are the kind of people who actually want to achieve stuff and not just sit on the ass waiting for the grass to grow.

Lilou: Exactly.

John: They are the kind of people that make shit happen.

Lilou: Yes, the kind of people, who other kind of people, who do not make shit happen, are jealous of. Therefore they trash them in movies and books and songs.

John: All those lousy script writers. I think my new favorite insult will be “you damn script writer you!”.

Lilou: We should make our own movie.

John: We should. My fifth villain is … well this is difficult because a number of them come to mind, but since you picked the Dalton brothers from Lucky Luke, I would like to add a character from the history books that I think is one of the most amazing villains ever: Hernan Cortez.

Lilou: Does he count as a villain?

John: According to Swedish media, yes.

Lilou: Alrighty then.

John: I mean, the guy attacked the entire Aztek Empire with something like 30 malaria ridden conquistadors, and the psychopath pulled it off!

Lilou: Very gutsy indeed.

John: Yeah if we had more people like Cortez we would be either dead or living on another planet by now. Who is your number five?

Lilou: I have to go with Freddy Kruger. I don’t like him as a person since I like more picky murderers, but I think the concept of him entering your dreams to kill you is very creative and his razor gloves are pretty cool. There’s no escaping him or beating him.

John: Not even Cortez?

Lilou: Everybody’s gotta sleep. Even Cortez.

Lilou & John list their top ten villains | Lilou mocks John | John is stoic

John: Today you suggested that we should address the much anticipated topic of favorite villains. Let us, for sake of clarity and simplicity, mention our top ten best … how should we put it … “assholes”?

Lilou: I don’t consider them assholes, I consider them interesting.

John: I don’t consider them assholes either, but you have taught me that using the same keyword twice in two neighboring sentences is not good optics, so I tried to avoid using “villain”.

Lilou: We should remove my first considering in my last sentence. Oops, now I said “my” two times. Oh no, now I said “my” again. Stop me!

John: This is starting to sound like the Knights who say “Ni”. Speaking of which, they are rather villain-like, but not my favorite. I start by calling out my first villain, Magneto.

Lilou: Oh, gotta love Magneto.

John: Yes, he knows exactly how to solve the “Human Question”, if you may, and he doesn’t shy away from seeing the world as it is. Xavier is just a boring old academic that knows nothing about how people function. I love Magneto. What about your first villain?

Lilou: The first one I come to think of is Hannibal Lecter. He is totally calm, very intelligent and cultivated, yet lethal for untalented, dull people.

John: Sometimes I suspect that we love these villains because they remind of ourselves, is that so?

Lilou: Probably. True.

John: Ok. My number two is Hans Gruber. He is totally reckless and cold-blooded. Works toward a goal and does it well, if it wasn’t for the script writer who let that lollygagging moron drool around.

Lilou: Villains rarely see eye to eye with script writers…

John: No, and since I always pick side against the powers that be, and the script writer must be considered the ultimate power when it comes to movies, I side against them, therefore I always support villains who put up a good fight against overwhelming odds.

Lilou: You’re a true revolutionary, dear.

John: I am going to ignore that comment and move straight forward to your number two.

Lilou: The next one I come to think of is Prince Nuada.

John: That was my number three.

Lilou: Too bad I beat you then. As usual. He is beautiful in every way. Unique, agile yet firm and he fights against overwhelming odds. He’s admirable.

John: His war actually reminds a bit about our culture war.

Lilou: Yes it does. A lot.

John: I always think it’s so sad that the script writer lies about him and makes it look as if he sacrificed that forest god. Prince Nuada would never do such a thing.

Lilou: No. That nature god was just as beautiful as he is. And he knew it and treasured it.

John: My third villain is Sauron. I really like Sauron. He takes no shit. He builds an orch army instead and kills the people who pissed him off.

Lilou: Just wished he’d killed Frodo. He annoys me to death.

John: Me too. Just falls over things and cannot even carry a damn ring without messing up the whole thing so Sam has to do all the dirty work, and then it is Frodo who gets all the rewards afterwards. So typical of script writers to do such a thing. Or perhaps it was Tolkien. Anyway, let us not linger there. Your number three?

Lilou: I love the Dalton brothers. They’re hilarious. Especially the tiny one. Or was it just movie villains we were talking about?

John: No, it could be any villains. And for our Transatlantic or other readers we might just add that the Dalton brothers you refer to are the villains in the comic book Lucky Luke.

Lilou: Yeah.

John: I love the Dalton brothers too. My number four, as a funny coincidence as the Dalton brothers were four, is Lord Voldemort.

Lilou: Ah, the old Voldemort.

John: Yes. His father was a filthy muggle who left when he was a kid and he grew up in an orphanage. No wonder he wanted to strike back, and then that posh little vermin Harry comes along, with some stupid wizard equivalent of a royal bloodline, and like a good old fashioned revolutionary Voldemort can’t just let him walk all over him. So he starts a war. Of course. Your number four?

Lilou: I like Morgana who seeks as much knowledge and power as she can get to become the most powerful witch there has ever been.

John: That deserves some respect.

Lilou: It does. It was my dream as well as a very young girl.

John: It seems as if villains are the kind of people who actually want to achieve stuff and not just sit on the ass waiting for the grass to grow.

Lilou: Exactly.

John: They are the kind of people that make shit happen.

Lilou: Yes, the kind of people, who other kind of people, who do not make shit happen, are jealous of. Therefore they trash them in movies and books and songs.

John: All those lousy script writers. I think my new favorite insult will be “you damn script writer you!”.

Lilou: We should make our own movie.

John: We should. My fifth villain is … well this is difficult because a number of them come to mind, but since you picked the Dalton brothers from Lucky Luke, I would like to add a character from the history books that I think is one of the most amazing villains ever: Hernan Cortez.

Lilou: Does he count as a villain?

John: According to Swedish media, yes.

Lilou: Alrighty then.

John: I mean, the guy attacked the entire Aztek Empire with something like 30 malaria ridden conquistadors, and the psychopath pulled it off!

Lilou: Very gutsy indeed.

John: Yeah if we had more people like Cortez we would be either dead or living on another planet by now. Who is your number five?

Lilou: I have to go with Freddy Kruger. I don’t like him as a person since I like more picky murderers, but I think the concept of him entering your dreams to kill you is very creative and his razor gloves are pretty cool. There’s no escaping him or beating him.

John: Not even Cortez?

Lilou: Everybody’s gotta sleep. Even Cortez.