PHUQISTAN

 
 
 
Phuqistan
PHUQISTAN

John starts talking about Fiverr | They love Indonesian artists | They hate artists from another country that they rather not be explicit about

John: We have ordered “lots of stuff”, to put it out there in vernacular fashion, on Fiverr where creators from all over the world sell things. Logos. T-shirt prints. Music videos. And we have had the honor, or what we might call it, to compare people from different countries with each other when it comes to talent, efficiency, language and manners. What do we say about Germans?

Lilou: Great English speakers, finish the projects ahead of time and are eager to make the customer happy.

John: Sums it up well. How about Indians?

Lilou: Crappy English, talented, never does anything extra, finish the projects in the last minute.

John: But the end result it quite alright, isn’t it?

Lilou: It’s exactly what you ordered, nothing more, nothing less.

John: Indonesians?

Lilou: Super slow starters, quite poor English, but the end result is amazing, and they are very eager to please and get it right. I’ve grown fond of Indonesians.

John: Me too. I love Indonesian people nowadays. I come to think of the old Monty Pyhton classic “I like Chinese” that rhymed with something like “eager to please”.

Lilou: Very racist as usual, dear.

John: Hey, Deng Xiao Ping and I looked at Chinese in a similar way I think. Or we looked at people the same way. Or whatever, I don’t really know how Deng Xiao Ping looked at anybody, really.

Lilou: Sounded cool though. Made me sharpen my ears. In anticipation.

John: Oki doki… Let us leave Indonesia and move to the north west. To a place where we never want to go for vacation. Let us look at Pakistan on Fiverr. What do you say?

Lilou: Remember the other blogpost I said I don’t hate any people. Let me take that back. I HATE those people. They are like fake news. Vermin. Promise you gold, deliver shite, if they deliver at all. Most of them can’t even perform a turd.

John: Okay, let me just add, for the sake of any hate speech law that might be applicable, that “they” refer to…

Lilou: … Pakistanians on Fiverr …

John: … And not …

Lilou: … All Pakistanians in the entire world.

John: Ok, and after that little …

Lilou: … disclaimer, can’t even believe we need a disclaimer. Fucking crappy world we live in. Annoys me. In my world, if you don’t like it, don’t read it, get the hell out of here.

John: But Harry Potters have to do what Harry Potters do, sniff around, looking for things that upset them, doing good things, “good” within quotation marks I mean, like that rat Ilyich Ulyanov.

Lilou: I don’t read their boring fucking blogs. They don’t have to read ours.

John: Ok, it seems as if the post-disclaimer debate is now roughly 50% of the total blog post.

Lilou: Sorry dear, the Pakistanians wound me up. There was no stopping me after that. I’ll behave now.

John: Uhm, we can at least sum it up in a way that lets us escape half way from that hate speech law. Indonesia and Pakistan are both Muslim countries so they can’t frame us for that at least. We love Indonesians because they deliver what they promise and do it wonderfully, although a bit late. Pakistanis are totally useless and I understand why the Indians were so desperate to get rid of them. Who the hell would like these people within their borders?

Lilou: Count me out.

John: And when I use the expression “within their borders” I am of course referring to the Indian-Pakistani situation, and it should not be clip-pasted into some dumbass Stasi spy document.

Lilou: If it was hate speech, if we hated them, we wouldn’t have hired them five times from the beginning. They suck. We no like.

John: But we still love Indonesians.

Lilou: You keep repeating that. They still use scissors and glue.

John: Let me rephrase it into a sentence they cannot …

Lilou: For god’s sake!

John: An inclusive god, of course, who respects all people, faiths and totally useless productions.

Lilou: Not really. Hate most of it.

John: Time to end?

Lilou: Ask Stasi if they have enough.

IMPORTANT UPDATE!

John: We have had our first Indonesian sucker, haven’t we?

Lilou: …Fuck-up.

John starts talking about Fiverr | They love Indonesian artists | They hate artists from another country that they rather not be explicit about

John: We have ordered “lots of stuff”, to put it out there in vernacular fashion, on Fiverr where creators from all over the world sell things. Logos. T-shirt prints. Music videos. And we have had the honor, or what we might call it, to compare people from different countries with each other when it comes to talent, efficiency, language and manners. What do we say about Germans?

Lilou: Great English speakers, finish the projects ahead of time and are eager to make the customer happy.

John: Sums it up well. How about Indians?

Lilou: Crappy English, talented, never does anything extra, finish the projects in the last minute.

John: But the end result it quite alright, isn’t it?

Lilou: It’s exactly what you ordered, nothing more, nothing less.

John: Indonesians?

Lilou: Super slow starters, quite poor English, but the end result is amazing, and they are very eager to please and get it right. I’ve grown fond of Indonesians.

John: Me too. I love Indonesian people nowadays. I come to think of the old Monty Pyhton classic “I like Chinese” that rhymed with something like “eager to please”.

Lilou: Very racist as usual, dear.

John: Hey, Deng Xiao Ping and I looked at Chinese in a similar way I think. Or we looked at people the same way. Or whatever, I don’t really know how Deng Xiao Ping looked at anybody, really.

Lilou: Sounded cool though. Made me sharpen my ears. In anticipation.

John: Oki doki… Let us leave Indonesia and move to the north west. To a place where we never want to go for vacation. Let us look at Pakistan on Fiverr. What do you say?

Lilou: Remember the other blogpost I said I don’t hate any people. Let me take that back. I HATE those people. They are like fake news. Vermin. Promise you gold, deliver shite, if they deliver at all. Most of them can’t even perform a turd.

John: Okay, let me just add, for the sake of any hate speech law that might be applicable, that “they” refer to…

Lilou: … Pakistanians on Fiverr …

John: … And not …

Lilou: … All Pakistanians in the entire world.

John: Ok, and after that little …

Lilou: … disclaimer, can’t even believe we need a disclaimer. Fucking crappy world we live in. Annoys me. In my world, if you don’t like it, don’t read it, get the hell out of here.

John: But Harry Potters have to do what Harry Potters do, sniff around, looking for things that upset them, doing good things, “good” within quotation marks I mean, like that rat Ilyich Ulyanov.

Lilou: I don’t read their boring fucking blogs. They don’t have to read ours.

John: Ok, it seems as if the post-disclaimer debate is now roughly 50% of the total blog post.

Lilou: Sorry dear, the Pakistanians wound me up. There was no stopping me after that. I’ll behave now.

John: Uhm, we can at least sum it up in a way that lets us escape half way from that hate speech law. Indonesia and Pakistan are both Muslim countries so they can’t frame us for that at least. We love Indonesians because they deliver what they promise and do it wonderfully, although a bit late. Pakistanis are totally useless and I understand why the Indians were so desperate to get rid of them. Who the hell would like these people within their borders?

Lilou: Count me out.

John: And when I use the expression “within their borders” I am of course referring to the Indian-Pakistani situation, and it should not be clip-pasted into some dumbass Stasi spy document.

Lilou: If it was hate speech, if we hated them, we wouldn’t have hired them five times from the beginning. They suck. We no like.

John: But we still love Indonesians.

Lilou: You keep repeating that. They still use scissors and glue.

John: Let me rephrase it into a sentence they cannot …

Lilou: For god’s sake!

John: An inclusive god, of course, who respects all people, faiths and totally useless productions.

Lilou: Not really. Hate most of it.

John: Time to end?

Lilou: Ask Stasi if they have enough.

IMPORTANT UPDATE!

John: We have had our first Indonesian sucker, haven’t we?

Lilou: …Fuck-up.